


I Care What You Think

by tomarkislife



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Blurryface, Depression, Gore, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Schizophrenia, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Violence, suicidal tyler, this is very triggering plz be careful reading this i love you all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 20:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6580951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomarkislife/pseuds/tomarkislife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blurry had made a home in Tyler. He wouldn't let Josh kick him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Care What You Think

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is v sad im sorry i wrote this a while ago and just found it and goddamn im fucking cried what is wrong with me
> 
> (blurry in bold and italics)

BLURRYFACE had been with Tyler and Josh for a long time. So long that Josh had a routine for when he showed up. Always get rid of anything sharp or harmful. Keep everything calm. And most importantly, stay next to him. No matter what.   

 

But everything had been good. Tyler was getting the help he needed and his new meds seemed to be working. Everything was normal. Until the hospital visit. 

 

Tyler woke Josh up in the middle of the night, complaining about headaches and dizziness. That was always a bad sign. Josh told him they could go to the hospital to talk with his psychiatrist, but Tyler was hesitant. Another bad sign. "It's OK baby boy. It's just to make sure you're alright. It won't be an overnight." Nervously, Tyler nodded. 

 

The two made their way to the hospital. The whole way, Tyler was shaking, gnawing at his fingernails. Josh grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly to calm him. "It's gonna be OK, baby. I'm sure everything is going to be just fine." 

 

Tyler smiled and leaned his head on Josh's shoulder. They pulled into the hospital parking lot and slowly walked towards the entrance. When they reach the door, Tyler whimpered and stopped walking. "I-I wanna go home," he whispered, gripping Josh's hand. 

 

Josh gave him a tense smile and pulled him closer. "I just want to make sure everything with your medication is going OK. I don't want you feeling uncomfortable." 

 

Now Tyler was fiddling with the end of his shirt, avoiding eye contact with his husband. "B-Blurry said I shouldn't take my meds. So I... I didn't." 

 

Immediately, Josh stiffened. When had Blurry come back? Was Tyler able to keep Him under control? What would he do this time? "Come on, Ty. Let's go talk to the doctor." 

 

Tyler rapidly shook his head head. "We don't need to. I promise I'll talk my meds again, but Blurry-" 

 

"Tyler," Josh interrupted. "Do you remember what the doctor said about listening to Blurry?" Josh asked. Silence. "He said that Blurry was keeping you from what you needed to do. And I need to make sure you're OK. And I just want you to need that too." 

 

Tyler swallowed dryly and reluctantly nodded. "Will-Will you stay with me the whole night?" 

 

Josh smiled. "Of course. I won't leave you for a second." 

 

Finally, they head inside and sat in the waiting room. "Is Doctor Charles here?" 

 

Josh nodded. "I talked to him while we were driving. He's going to see us as soon as he can." 

 

They waited in the almost empty waiting room, Tyler resting his head on Josh's shoulder, for twenty minutes before a nurse walked out. Josh felt Tyler get tense. The nurse greeted them and led them into Dr. Charles' room. 

 

"Josh, I need to go home," Tyler whispered as they walked into his office. Josh shushed him, rubbing small circles on his hand. 

 

"Tyler, Josh," Dr. Charles said. Tyler squeezed Josh's hand tightly as they sat across from his desk in two separate chairs. "You said over the phone that Tyler was complaining about headaches and some dizziness? Are you still feeling that way?" he asked Tyler, crossing his hands in front of him on his desk. Tyler shook his head, Josh knowing his was lying. Blurry always did that to him. "Has he mentioned Blurry?" 

 

Tyler should Josh a pleading look. Josh sighed. "Um, yeah. But not too much," Josh said. In the corner of his eye, he could see Tyler mouthing to himself and he tensed. He was talking to Him. "I-I think He's with us. Right now." 

 

Tyler suddenly stood, rapidly shaking his head while squeezing his hands into fists by his legs. "Blurry said that He didn't wanna talk so I wasn't supposed to tell anyone about Him."

 

Josh hated when Tyler said things like that. It was like he was treating Blurry as a person. "Tyler, Blurry shouldn't control or tell you want to do. Remember?" 

 

"But it's not controlling if you want to do it. That's what Blurry said." 

 

Josh blocked out anymore of the conversation, not wanting to hear it anymore. The words hurt Josh. Blurry was taking over his baby boy, his husband, and he couldn't do anything about it. 

 

"Josh?" 

 

He's pulled out of his thoughts by Tyler shaking his arm. "I want Tyler to stay the night. He can go home early tomorrow morning, but I just want him to keep him under surveillance for the night." Dr. Charles said calmly. 

 

Josh furrowed his brows. "Why?" 

 

There's a lull. "I think Blurry is angry. More than usual, and we're still not sure if Tyler can keep him under control," He swallowed dryly. "We don't want anyone getting hurt." 

 

Josh shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "T-Tyler wasn't really planning on staying the night. I think it would be good for him to go home and relax." 

 

"Tyler is in a very fluid state right now. At any moment he could snap and I don't think you're prepared for that." 

 

He looked over Tyler sitting next to him and saw the painfully plain look on his face and he knew the doctor was right. "C-Can I stay with him?" Josh's eyes watered as the doctor was about to deny him. "Please. He needs me." 

 

Dr. Charles gave him a look and nodded. "But if anything happens at all, you will be asked to leave." 

 

Josh nodded and grabbed Tyler's hand. Tyler stayed completely still, hand hanging limp in his. The doctor led them to a room, one that Tyler was pretty familiar with, and let them get comfortable. Once the two were alone again, Tyler broke. He slammed into Josh's chest and sobbed. "I wanna go home!" he cried, shaking in his grasp. 

 

Josh pulled him close and kissed his forehead. "We'll be home tomorrow, baby," he whispered. "I promise everything will be OK. We're going to get through this."

 

Tyler sniffled, rubbing his face against his husbands chest. "H-He's hurting me," he whimpered. "Make Him... Make Him go away."

 

"Shh, it's OK. You can make Him go away all on your own. You just... Just need some help," he said, getting choked up. "I'm so sorry,"

 

Tyler sobbed pathetically, gripping onto Josh's shirt. "If I... If I kill my-myself will-" 

 

"Don't even finish that sentence," Josh interrupted. "You never have to hurt yourself. If you do that, you're only letting Blurry win. And I know you don't want that." 

 

Tyler choked on a sob. "B-But I don't wanna... Wanna do it anymore." 

 

Panicked, Josh looked directly into his husband eyes, gently cupping his face in his hands. Tears streamed down Tyler's cheeks, his face so broken and lost. "Please don't say that, baby boy. We need to keep fighting. We need to win this." 

 

With one swift motion, Tyler shoved him away, shaking violently. "I don't wanna win this!" he snapped. Tyler was hyperventilating, eyes darting around the room. Everywhere he looked, there He was, staring at him. Tyler held back a scream, crouching down to the ground. If he closed his eyes, Blurry got closer. "I just... I just want everything to go away," he rasped. "Except... Except you." 

 

Josh felt tears helplessly slide down his cheeks as he kneeled next to Tyler and pulled him into his arms. "Then don't go," he said gently. Tyler shook his head. "If you won't stay for yourself, stay for me. Because I'm going to be by your side for the rest of your life and love you so so much. Please don't go. I could never do this without you. 

 

Tyler began sobbing again, shakily nodding his head. Josh tried to hold back his own sobs, biting his lip harshly, but they broke out anyways. The way Tyler talked about hurting himself or leaving the earth... Killed him. The two ended up lying in the hospital bed, curled into each others arms as Josh lulled Tyler to sleep, head cupped in his hands so he didn't look away from him. 

 

"Josh?" Tyler whispered. In hummed in response. "I love you," 

 

Josh smiled lightly. "I love you too, baby boy," 

 

 

x

 

 

Tyler was shouting. No. He was screaming. 

 

Josh immediately sat up, gripping onto his husbands hands as he desperately pushed away. "J-Josh," Tyler gasped. This was not the first time Josh had woken to this. 

 

"Tyler, baby boy, what's wrong?" Josh asked quickly,

 

But Tyler didn't hear him. He could only hear Blurry now. "Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh..." he begged. "Make Him go!" he suddenly screamed. "I want to stay with you!" 

 

Josh quickly pulled Tyler onto his lap, holding him with all his strength so he couldn't get out. Blurry wouldn't get a hold of Tyler this time. "Shh, Tyler, look at me, honey," Tyler lifted his head, using the last of his strength to listen to Josh. "You're the only one who can make Him go. You know that," Tyler squirmed in his grasp. Blurry was making His way up his body, his lungs filling up with what felt like smoke. He wasn't going to get out of it this time. "I just want you to be happy." 

 

And that was that. 

 

Tyler screamed bloody murder, tearing Josh out from under him and onto the cold hospital floor. He crawled over to him, straddling his hips so he couldn't move. Josh tried not to panic. He just stared at his baby boy, his eyes dark and intense. He lost him. 

 

"I don't wanna be happy!" he cried, pounding a fist into Josh's chest. "I just want to fucking die, you asshole! Don't you get that!?" Josh let out a whimper as Tyler brought their faces close together. "I fucking hate you." 

 

Doctors and nurses suddenly rushed in, yanking Tyler off Josh as he continued to scream, throat going hoarse. Josh began to panic as a nurse grabbed his arm and tried to lead him out of the room. "No, no, no, let me stay," he begged, tears pooling in his eyes. He tried to fight against her shoves, ignoring her words as he watched Tyler fight against the other doctors. His eyes begged for Josh to be by his side. "He needs me, you don't understand," 

 

But he was shoved out the door, door slammed in his face. Tyler screamed louder, howling Josh's name. Josh turned around to see Dr. Charles standing behind him, talking with the nurse who had dragged him out. 

 

"Dr. Charles!" Josh shouted, running to his side. "You have to let me back in there! You don't understand!" Josh pleaded. "I know what to do, this has happened at home before!" 

 

Dr. Charles just shook his head. "He need to be on his own," he said. Josh opened his mouth to speak again. "Tyler needs to learn to cope on his own." 

 

Josh nearly stomped his foot in anger, unshed tears brimming in his eyes. "I can't leave him here. It'll only get-" 

 

"I know what's best for Tyler and you need to be home and he needs to be here," Dr. Charles said sternly. Josh looked down at his feet, squeezing his hands into tight fists. "Now I will call you tomorrow and tell you how he's doing. You can come pick him up early tomorrow if that's what you want." Josh just nodded. "I know this is hard, but it's whats best for Tyler." Another nod. "I'll call you tomorrow." 

 

 

x

 

 

"A week!?" 

 

"I just think Tyler needs-" 

 

"I know what Tyler needs!" Josh shouted through the phone. "Tyler fucking needs me and he needs to be home!" 

 

Dr. Charles had called him, informing him on Tyler's behavior through the night and suggesting that Tyler continue to stay at the hospital. For a week. 

 

"Josh, Tyler needs to be separate from everything for a little while. He needs to work things out with Blurry and he can't do that with other people," he said. Josh felt like screaming. "You can talk to him on the phone every night and I'll keep you informed about his progress. But this is what is best for Tyler." 

 

Josh sniffled. He knew the doctor was right. Tyler needed to be alone. 

 

"C-Can I talk to him now?" 

 

"N-No," the doctor said hesitantly. "He just had a pretty bad episode and he's cooling down in his room now. I'll call you when he's ready to talk." 

 

Josh finished his talk with the doctor and hung up, feeling more awful than he ever had before. 

 

 

x

 

 

Tyler look tired when he first saw him. He had huge bags under his eyes and was wearing the same pajamas he had the night they first showed up at the hospital. It took all of two seconds before Josh was pulling him into a bone crushing hug, mumbling that he loved him into his ear. Tyler weakly hugged him back, nuzzling into his shoulder, taking in his smell. He missed this smell. 

 

"I missed you so much," Josh whispered. Tyler nodded, gripping onto the fabric of his shirt. "Let's get you home." 

 

The whole car ride back to the house, Tyler stared out the window. Josh could tell just by the look on his face that Blurry was still around, buried in his skin, whispering things to him. But Josh didn't care. He knew what to do. 

 

"Do you want to do anything?" Josh asked, smiling at him. Tyler shrugged. "We could go out? Get some Taco Bell?" Another shrug. "Would you rather go home?" 

 

Tyler looked over at him. His eyes were so dead. "I wanna... Wanna cuddle." he said quietly. 

 

Josh smiled. "Then that's what we'll do." 

 

At the house, Josh spooned Tyler as he whispered things to himself, things that Josh ignored. He could fix this. "Tell me about the hospital, baby boy." he whispered, running a hand along his chest. 

 

Tyler shifted uncomfortably. "Was lonely," he started softly. Blurry told him to  _shut up_ but he ignored Him. "Without, um, without you around." 

 

Josh kissed the back of his head, rocking him in his arms. He had to talk Blurry out of Tyler. "What about Blurry? What did He think of it?" 

 

Tyler was taken aback by this question. He didn't know how to answer. Blurry had told him to keep his mouth shut when people asked about Him. Tyler usually didn't listen, and that resulted in a pretty intense punishment, but he honestly didn't know what to say. In his head, Blurry was telling him to  _keep his stupid little mouth shut_ but Tyler knew he should talk to Josh. Maybe Blurry would leave than. 

 

"He, uh... Blurry didn't, um," Tyler couldn't. His words kept getting caught in his throat. "Blurry, He, didn't l-like it and He..." 

 

_**WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TYLER!?** _

 

Tyler couldn't speak. He felt like he was going to vomit. 

 

**_YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST TALK ABOUT ME LIKE THIS!? HUH!? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK!?_ **

 

"Tyler?" 

 

**_YOU KEEP YOUR LITTLE BITCH BABY MOUTH SHUT, YOU UNDERSTAND!?_ **

 

Tyler nodded his head, biting his lip to keep from responding out loud. 

 

**_I DON'T THINK YOU DO!_ **

 

Tyler could vaguely hear Josh saying his name, trying to shake him out of his trance. 

 

**_GO TO THE BATHROOM AND DO IT!_ **

 

"N-No," he whimpered, unable to hold back. 

 

**_ARE YOU DISOBEYING ME!?_ **

 

Tyler was scared, shaking in the hold Josh had on him as he whispered encouragements to him. 

 

**_THE SECOND JOSH FALLS ASLEEP, YOU GO TO THAT BATHROOM AND YOU PUNISH YOURSELF!_ **

 

Tyler was sobbing into Josh's chest, nodding his head. Blurry was winning. 

 

He let him win this time. 

 

 

x

 

 

Josh was used to waking up to the screaming at this point. It felt almost like a normal thing. But he wasn't used to the glass shattering, or the faint smell of blood, or... Or...

 

"Tyler, no!" Josh shouted, holding his arms up in front of himself. Tyler lunged at him, glass shard in hand. The bathroom mirror was in pieces, completely broken, pieces of glass laying around. Tyler's arms were slashed open, deep scars oozing blood everywhere. Josh didn't know what to do. 

 

" ** _I HATE YOU!_** " Tyler screamed. Well, Blurry screamed. " ** _YOU RUIN EVERYTHING! TYLER JUST WANTS TO DIE AND YOU WON'T LET HIM!_** " 

 

Josh couldn't breath. He lost his baby boy for real this time. Tyler wasn't even Tyler anymore. He was Blurry. 

 

" ** _YOU ARE A POINTLESS PIECE OF SHIT AND I-_** " 

 

"Tyler, baby boy, I know you're in there!" Josh shouted, wincing in pain when he felt the glass shard in Tyler's hand nick his arm. "You don't want to do this!" 

 

" ** _SHUT UP!_** " Blurry screeched, holding both of Josh's arms down. The piece of glass dug into Josh's sensitive skin. Josh screamed in pain, tears falling down his cheeks. He wasn't going to make it out of it this time. This time... Blurry had a weapon. " ** _TYLER IS MINE, NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE HIM, ESPECIALLY NOT YOU!_** " 

 

Josh sobbed as Tyler began to make cuts in Josh's own skin, breaking his flesh open. Josh only had one chance to get his baby boy back. He had to do this perfectly. 

 

"Tyler..." he said softly, ignoring the searing pain in his arm. He couldn't let anything distract him from this moment. "I know you're still there," he whispered. Even over Blurry's grunting, somewhere in his mind, Tyler could hear his soft words. He wanted to come back. "Blurry is really trying to get to you right now and you just need to-" he winced as the glass shard dug into his skin again, this time particularly hard. "-need to f-focus." God, he couldn't stutter. Tyler needed to hear him clearly.

 

While Josh continued to talk, Tyler tried to hard to climb out of Blurry. His insides felt black and gooey, filled with the idea of Him. " _Blurry... Please. You-You can stay but don't hurt Josh_." Tyler tried to reason with him, but he couldn't.

 

**_JOSH IS A WASTE OF OUR TIME! HE IS POINTLESS AND IF I DON'T KILL HIM, THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO DIE!_ **

 

Tyler thought this over. He knew he would die to keep Josh safe, but would he really take his own life, just so he could save him? Deep down, Tyler knew it was the wrong thing to do. But in that moment, Tyler just wanted into keep Josh safe. 

 

"...you can make him go away I-"

 

"Josh..."

 

Josh felt faint. His baby boy. He was back. Josh started to smiled, attempting to sit up, but Tyler held him firmly in place, tears streaking his cheeks. 

 

"Josh... I'm so... So sorry..." he rasped.

 

Josh shook his head. "Baby boy... It's not you're fault," he reassured. "Blurry is-"

 

"No Josh," Tyler interrupted. He very slowly let Josh sit up, immediately backing up against the bathroom wall. He had to do this just right. "I'm so so so so so sorry."

 

Josh didn't know what was happening. He was just about to wrap Tyler up in his arms, reassure him that everything would be OK, when Tyler suddenly...

 

The glass shard glided smoothly across Tyler's neck, popping open his jugular. Josh couldn't breath. 

 

"Tyler..." 

 

 

x

 

 

Josh didn't even bother calling the hospital for a few hours. He had to set up everything just perfectly. He cleaned up all the glass, all of Tyler'S blood, set him in the bathtub, crying over his dead body. 

 

The second Tyler fell onto the floor dead, Josh thought Blurry would finally be gone. But then, he felt arms around his neck, smoke filled his lungs, darkness filled his eyes. Blurry was Josh now. And he had a mission. 

 

Once was the bathroom was clean, Josh shut and locked the door. He walked over to Tyler's limp, dead body. He looked so peaceful like that. Dead. He was finally free of Blurry. He could bother him anymore. 

 

He wouldn't bother anyone anymore. 

 

 

x

 

 

Later that week, two graves sat side by side, one with the name Tyler Robert Joseph (loving husband, loving son, best friend) and the other with Joshua William Dun (loving husband, loving son, amazing friend). 

 

The only form of note the police found when the broke open the bathroom door, was  ** _MY NAMES BLURRYFACE AND I CARE WHAT YOU THINK_** written in blood on the mirror.  

**Author's Note:**

> im sososososososososososo sorry


End file.
